Young couples redefine matrimony with modern takes on love, trust

For 24-year-old Lu Yinggui, marrying her boyfriend of three years was as much about trust and taking an unconventional approach as it was romance.

The married couple, both former real estate employees, opted to buy a secondhand home in the suburbs of Changsha, Hunan province, with a mortgage loan.

The apartment is solely in Lu's name. "Rent was 1,400 yuan ($193) monthly; our mortgage is 2,400. For an extra 1,000 yuan, we own the walls we live in," she said.

Their trust-based approach to marriage also meant they skipped prenuptial health checks and bride price negotiations.

"I did not want to turn marriage into a business, so there was no awkward discussion of the bride price," she said.

"My top priority for the person I was going to marry is his character, and I think he is a trustworthy person," she said. "When we decided to buy the small apartment, he decided to put it only under my name and he sometimes still jokes that the house does not belong to him."

Their marriage is not without testing moments, as Lu is unemployed at the moment. However, the couple have not quarreled over the issue, and Lu said she is going to get a job soon because "no person in their right mind can expect another person to support you unconditionally, not with all the love in the world."

In a rapidly changing China, marriage is no longer a straightforward process, but a complex equation balancing love, economics, and generational expectations.

From pragmatic decisions such as the need for a city apartment as a prerequisite for marriage, to unions bonded by only love — young couples are redefining matrimony with a mix of cool calculations and emotional vulnerability.

As demographics shift and economic pressures mount, their choices sketch a portrait of a generation determined to approach marriage on their own terms.

Lucky thirteen

After a 13-year marathon relationship Hunan-native Li Chenxi and her Beijing partner finally decided to get married.

His parents did not agree with him marrying a woman not from Beijing, so they opposed the relationship for a long time.

However, they persisted, and his parents finally changed their mind and gave them their blessings, Li said.

Preparing for the marriage has been very smooth as they have been together for a long time and have already overcome conflicts, she said

The couple have recently bought an apartment together, ending their life of renting in Beijing.

"I think owning your own home is very important. I wouldn't spend money on home decorations and buying good stuff when living in a rented house. But now I am eager to receive new deliveries every day, and look forward to married life together," she said.

Conditional love

Influencer culture has birthed a new marital hazard — fans who cross boundaries. For 29-year-old He Ting from Changsha, her fiance's career as a livestreaming gamer has meant sleepless nights monitoring his interactions with female fans.

In addition, she is worried about him having a stable income.

"We have been together for six years and have seriously discussed getting married for four years. We will get married in June, so you can imagine there has been some back and forth," she said.

The relationship was sorely tested shortly before their engagement when she discovered he had cheated on her, which made her apprehensive about marrying him.

"I am not so sure that he is now a changed person, but I have witnessed him turning into a more mature and responsible person, so I decided to marry him," she said.

Their 200,000-yuan bride price is funded entirely by his livestreaming earnings, she said. He's parents will give the money to their daughter — as financial security against possible future infidelity. "There is no pure love, and decisions were made after many considerations," she said.

He said her fiance has promised to let her have the financial say over the household after they are married. This gives her some sense of security. "If he decides to 'mingle' again, at least I have the money," she said.

She also said the couple will wait before they decide to have children. "Many people say that a man changes after marriage, and I want to see whether he will also change," she said.

A suitable girl

Shi Xukui, 28, describes himself as a "pure love warrior". He married his high school sweetheart after a decade of breakups and parental nagging.

Shi claims his wife is the only girlfriend he has ever had, but ironically, he does not believe that she is the only one for him and vice versa.

"It is silly to think that there is a 'one and only' for you, what we can hope for is a suitable one," he said.

The couple married in 2022, because Shi thought they were an appropriate match and her family was pushing for her to get married.

His parents made the down payment for an apartment in Changsha, and bought a car for them.

The bride price, which was 100,000 yuan, was given to the wife to help start a family.

Shi said as a "romantic", he staged a special event to propose to his wife, with friends around to cheer them on.

His wife is now pregnant with their first child, and Shi is already feeling the financial burden of raising a family.

The couple also needs money to renovate the apartment they are living in as they are still renting.

Shi said he has been working extra hard recently to bring more money home for his growing family.

"Getting married is to seek happiness and being single is also part of life," he said.

"Either way, there are bound to be regrets and people tend to fantasize about the road that is not chosen. But I have not regretted getting married, even though I feel really tired.

"More importantly, I still hold the traditional view that people need to get married and have children to repopulate and pass on wisdom."

Finding a compromise

For Beijing couple Zhang Xiaoyun and her professor husband, marriage followed an instant connection, and was strengthened by the fact that they are both from Shanxi province.

"I would not say that he looks exactly the way I wanted, but I had a feeling that I would marry him someday when we first met," she said. "My mother has always told me that women should not marry partners from far away places, which has influenced me deeply."

Zhang also considered many other things, such as his personality, and him being a responsible person and emotionally stable. Above all, she placed a high value on his ability to provide a decent living for a family.

"It is hard to overlook the financial background of a future spouse when making the decision, as money can decide lots of things, such as your character and social skills," she said.

Many people who are in love did not marry because of financial mismatches, Zhang added.

Their relationship encountered a big obstacle when her husband failed to land a job after finishing his postdoctoral studies.

"He had great mental and financial stress at that time, and I also felt stressed because I was not certain what kind of job he could find, … and what my parents would say if I was about to marry someone without a job," she said.

She said she stayed with him because she was firm on their relationship being a success. "Luckily, he did find a teaching position at a different university, she said.

The bride price negotiation ended at 250,000 yuan, a compromise between her parents' demands and his family's budget.

Zhang said her parents have a lot of control over her life, as they paid the down payment of her Beijing apartment and are helping her cover the mortgage.